Hillbilly Zen – The Smoker You Drink, The Player You Get

I asked for help with a tagline, and got more than I expected from mlewisredford.  In addition to some excellent advice, he included this in his reply, which in turn sparked a couple of brain cells that survived my misspent youth.  Crank up your speakers and rock out.

Hillbilly Zen – “Say Your Name” – Blogging 101

 

Today’s assignment: edit your title and tagline. Make your readers’ first impression a good one!

I’m happy with my blog title, but adding a tagline is a possibility.  The tips included in this Blogging 101 assignment are helpful;  give your readers an idea of what you’re about, make it unique, etc.

Most of you guys have been with me for awhile and you’ve never steered me wrong, so I would greatly appreciate your ideas on this subject.  There are three options:

No tagline, just the header (like it’s been up until now).

“Heaven doesn’t want me.  Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.”

“Exercise.  Eat right.  Die anyway.”

These aren’t terribly Zen, I know, but they’re representative of where my head is right now.  You all know me just about as well as anybody, so…what do you think?

There’s a fourth option, too – if you’re so inclined, suggest a tagline of your own choosing.  I look forward to hearing from you, and I’ll post an update with the results.  Thanks, everybody!

Hillbilly Zen – “Introduce Yourself” – Blogging 101

Today’s assignment: write and publish a “who I am and why I’m here” post.

I was so excited to start the Blogging 101 course, eagerly anticipating the first assignment.  So….why did I get a cold knot in my stomach when I saw what it was?  Because I have to write about myself.  Just me, not my farm or the critters or a friend or music or whatever.  I’m in all those posts in one way or another, but in a supporting role, not the lead one.  Writing exclusively about myself produces major heebie-jeebies and makes me wish I hadn’t quit smoking weed.  On the “About” page, I mention how much I love writing even though it sometimes ties me in knots.  Types of trees are mentioned, but nothing really about myself.  This has turned out to be a good thing, since this past year has involved some honkin’ big changes in my life.

So…who am I?  A cross between Dorothy Parker and Granny Clampett.  A well educated hillbilly, in other words.  Not quite as cynical Ms. Parker, but every bit as feisty as Ms.Clampett.  One of my favorite cousins sent me a tee shirt for Christmas that declares “All I care about is my farm and my animals.  Oh…and like maybe 3 people.”  That pretty much says it all.

I’m here because blogging gives me that bizarre combination of pleasure and terror that I mentioned before.  I have chosen to live alone in the middle of nowhere, so there’s definitely a social component.  It’s a way to connect with some truly brilliant, funny, quirky people who inspire me.  That’s the crux of why I blog – while certainly not one of the truly brilliant, I’m occasionally funny and definitely quirky.  I hope that someone somewhere will be inspired by one of my posts; whether it’s to snort and roll their eyes, or burst into laughter, or just consider what they’ve read and gain a bit of a new perspective.

Due to those aforementioned changes, I have the blessing/curse of more time to spend writing.  Now it’s up to me to get off my happy ass and maintain the motivation….

 

Google Images

Google Images

Google Images

Google Images

 

 

 

Hillbilly Zen – 180°

 

Christmas is not my favorite holiday.  I was originally going to post why that is, but decided it’s a story for another time.  Soooo…..

 

 

 

Hillbilly Zen – R.I.P. Joe Cocker

 

I was smoking a cigarette when I heard that Joe Cocker has died of lung cancer at the age of 70.   My first thought was of John Belushi’s spot-on impressions of Joe, back in the day, on Saturday Night Live.  I found a couple of those videos on YouTube, and had to laugh at the silly grin on Joe’s face as he watched John, being Joe almost better than Joe himself.

Then as I clicked on my favorite songs, the ones included in the soundtrack of my life, a few tears slid down my cheeks.  God, we were so young, and so sure that we were going to change the world into our vision of a peaceful, loving planet.

Ah well.

So here’s my tribute to Joe Cocker, inadequate as it may be.  Think I’ll have another cigarette and listen to them again.

 

 

 

Hillbilly Zen – Old Hippie

 

Old Hippie

There is an old hippie who lives on a hill.

She’s been blessed by the heavens with acres to fill.

Stray critters all know they can come to her place

for a kind word, a cuddle, or to just feed their face.

They’re all loved and cared for above and beyond,

Some in the house, some the barn and the pond.

She’s all about critters and that seems to suit her,

but there’s not much room left now, so please….

Spay and Neuter!

 

1play dead

Hillbilly Zen – Circus

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Ready, Set, Done!.”

As it’s been a while since our last free-write… set a timer for ten minutes. Write without pause (and no edits!) until you’re out of time. Then, publish what you have (it’s your call whether or not to give the post a once-over).
 

It begins much too early in the morning, with hot breath on my face, wet noses giving me not-so-gentle nudges, and three sets of unblinking eyes boring into the bleary depths of mine.  I pull the covers over my head in a futile attempt to ignore the inevitable, heave a sigh, then begin the slow rise from a warm bed.

Tails begin wagging frantically, and trembling masses of heretofore restrained exuberance go from zero to full tilt boogie in a nanosecond.  The circus has begun.  Small, medium and large dogs bounce as if they have springs on their feet, and the two feline inhabitants of the house run for cover.

If I’m very lucky and very quick, there is time to get coffee started before the stars of the circus are buckled into their harnesses, which is only slightly easier than gift-wrapping Jello. The ringmistress is then dragged outside, unbuttoned coat flapping, unbrushed hair swirling and shoes only halfway on.  Suddenly the urgency disappears, and every…single…blade of grass must be properly sniffed before canine bodily functions are completed.

At last the troupe tumbles back into a house that smells of hazelnut coffee, and the stars, seasoned performers that they are, know not to get between Mama and her coffee. Now begins the second act, in which various and sundry performers must be persuaded the let their human squeeze into a corner of the couch.   Having depleted their adrenaline rush for now (after stern reminders that the kitten is NOT a squeak toy), the circus arranges itself into a drooling, snoring, farting finale.

Curtain.

Hillbilly Zen – That’s me in the corner….

Having lost my “religion”, it’s time to focus on regaining my Zen.  I wish I had some big honking epiphany to share with you, but I don’t.  It feels as though I’ve been asleep, ala Rip Van Winkle, and just now am starting to wake up again.  So while I clear the cobwebs, here’s a quick update.

The battle with the tourist spot was won – farm management is now in new and much more capable hands.

My “old man”, Tuck, passed away.  I’ll write about it later, because even though my heart is still broken, he left this world on his own stubborn terms, and it’s a damn good story.  There are a couple of new additions of the canine and feline persuasion, and the three red-legged devil horses are fat and sassy.

Me, I’m just fat, but I can see sassy from where I’m standing.  Talk to you all soon.

Hillbilly Zen – Blessings, Blogs, Blitzes and Battle Lines

I’ve known for quite some time that there are incredibly talented folks blogging on WordPress, and having to restrict my access to their work has brought that point home in a big way.  The writing, the photography and the art are just outstanding, and I want to thank each and every one of you for sharing your gifts with the world.  You truly make this planet a better place, each in your own unique way.

Ok, I’m done being all mushy.  For now, anyway.

Being unemployed blows, and having to spend limited internet time doing what I don’t like (filling out job applications) vs. what I like a lot (reading great blogs) blows big wind.  My account has finally reset, though, so y’all get ready to see gobs of Likes and comments on your blogs.  It’s going to take awhile to catch up, but as long as the coffee holds out, I’m good.

In between searching for a decent job and enjoying awesome blogs, I’ll be going into battle with a local tourist spot.  Their animals are being poorly cared for, some to the point of death, and it cannot be allowed to continue.  The administration of the facility has been notified and done nothing to correct the situation, so I’m currently in communication with the Board of Trustees and local officials.  If that doesn’t produce action, it’ll be time to take it up a notch and go to the media.  I’m really hoping that won’t be necessary, because other than the problem with the animals it’s a wonderful place.  I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, thank you again for sharing your wonderful work; getting up to date on what I’ve missed is such a pleasure.  Any prayers, good vibes and encouragement will be greatly appreciated!

Hillbilly Zen – Happy (Belated) 420!

I Got Stoned and I Missed It

Oh yes boys play it sweet for me
I was sittin’ in my basement I’d just rolled myself a taste of
Somethin’ green and gold and glorious to get me through the day
When my friend yells through my transom grab your coat an’ get your hat son
There’s a nut down on the corner a givin’ dollar bills away
But I sat around a bit and then I had another hit
And then I rolled myself a bomber thought about my momma
Looked around fooled around played around while and then
I got stoned and I missed it I got stoned and I missed it
I got stoned and it rolled right by
I got stoned and I missed it I got stoned and I missed it I got stoned oh me oh my

It took seven months of urgin’ just to get that local virgin
With the sweet face up to my place to fool around a bit
And next day she woke up rosy and she snuggled up so cosy
But when she asked me how I liked it Lord it hurt me to admit
I got stoned and I missed it…
[ fiddle ]
I ain’t makin’ no excuses for so many things I uses
Just to brighten my relationships and sweeten up my day
But when my earthly race is over and I’m ready for the clover
And they ask me how my life has been I guess I have to say
I was stoned and I missed it…

by Shel Silverstein

(Author’s note:  In the interest of full disclosure, I didn’t really get stoned and miss 420.  I was aware of yesterday’s significance, but due to budget constraints, herbal enhancement is at the bottom of my priority list right now and likely to remain there for quite some time.  But there are days, my friends, that I really, really miss “missing” things.)

marijuana-poster

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